Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
