He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It's official drugs can't kill me
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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