I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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