Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
