Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
