We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
