operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
