Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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