i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
