after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
