so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
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