About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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