My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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