mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
