who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
