why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
