i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
