He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
