you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
