Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Sorry about my life...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
