Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
