All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
