I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize