is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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