i just wanna soil my oats bro
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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