after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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