he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
