Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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