there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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