Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
