Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
How's work?
Spinning.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
