You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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