Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
