Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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