I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
