Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The Olympian is in my bed
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
