This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
