it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
