Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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