the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
