No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
