Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
