Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
