Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
