When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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