walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
