the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Randomize
