True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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