This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
