She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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