So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
