Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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