We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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