Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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