Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
