he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
